my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
