his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Update: my mom just told someone to shut up and suck her dick
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
