She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
Randomize
