I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
