I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Banned from zoo.
Again?
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
