Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
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