you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Randomize