then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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