At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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