In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
Randomize