yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Randomize
