I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
nutella sex= disaster
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Randomize
