Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Randomize
