he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
