So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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