LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
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