I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
