that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize