So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
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