You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Randomize
