found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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