I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
