the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
Randomize
