Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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