Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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