This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
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