Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
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