i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Stoned stonnnnnnned on the raaaaange
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Randomize