I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
