I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
