when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
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...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
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I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
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