I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Marrying her is the worst scenario of any. That includes death and zombies.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
