I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
