I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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