i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
