There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
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