he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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