party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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