it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
Randomize
