Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Randomize