Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
