...so i touched it.
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
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I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
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