we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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