That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
