I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
