Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
Randomize
