his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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