You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
