no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
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