whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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