On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
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Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
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It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
He flipped a shopping cart in the back room and had to leave to make a jazz playlist. If we aren't in love then i don't know what love is.
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