I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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