i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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