around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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