so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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