i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
