Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
