I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
