They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
