I CAN MOONWALK!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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