he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Randomize
