You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
