real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
