just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
NoShamevember. You game?
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
Randomize
