I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I was about to send you a concerned-for-your-safety text b/c it took you more than ten seconds to respond to a text that mentioned both the bar and lesbians
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Are you aware that you called your mom to say hi before you dragged the random guy into bed last night?
Randomize
