just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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