It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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