dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
