True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Randomize
